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The Story of Grandma�s Park Avenue, AKA "Two Germans in a Buick"

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 00:08:00 -0700

When my grandmother stopped driving, she gave me her car: a white 2005 Buick Park Avenue with a beige interior and super low miles. It was only driven to the cardiologist on Mondays, and it was in perfect condition.

I found some good advice on how to sell the car, but I let the great white whale languish in my driveway for ten months. As I have always said, "procrastination pays off now." Plus, I have to admit that I enjoyed the guilty pleasure of poling the Detroit barge down Washington State's freeways from time to time. The hull also featured a cavernous, 4-body trunk that easily engulfed my model airplanes and other man-toys. Sure, Grandma's Park Avenue couldn't have felt any more numb if it was fuel injected with lidocaine, it had brakes like a freight train, it wallowed through turns like a hippo with vertigo, and it delivered an alarming jolt of torque steer when you stepped on the gas... but I was still enjoying it!

From mile 14888 to 17780, me �n� Grandma�s Park Avenue had some good times on the high seas.

For one, I'll never forget the time that I gave a German particle physicist a ride. My highly educated guest--who was a friend of my regular carpool companion, also a German--was sinking into the back seat's leatherette upholstery when the Dynaride Suspension kicked in. The wheezing MmmrrrRRRRrRRRrrrrRRRRsound of the ride-leveling technology was no lullaby to his Teutonic senses,and he began to look alarmed. Do BMWs have ride-leveling? If so, it probably sounds like an ocean breeze, not a garbage disposal.

"Don't worry, mein Herr," I said. MmmRRRRrrr... "The vehicle is just leveling the passenger cabin." MmmRRRRrrr... "That sound is perfectly normal." MmmRRRRrrr... "The Dynaride system is capable of accommodating the fattest Americans," I proudly added as the mechanism wheezed to a stop.

Silence filled the perfectly leveled cabin. "This isn't my usual car," I continued. "I only drive it once in a while. It's really a car for older folks... people old enough to still be upset about the war." Thankfully, the other German in my Buick managed to turn the conversation to high-energy physics, salvaging what could have been an awkward moment.

The Dynaride's anemic groaning accompanied every engine start, but Grandma's Park Avenue had another feature that was less reliable. I refer to the automatic headlight system, ambitiously named the "Twilight Sentinel." Unfortunately, my Twilight Sentinel was apparently drunk most of the time, putting a more sinister figure on duty... the Twilight Assassin.

The Twilight Assassin was a cunning and ruthless foe, with the patience of the grave. He waited for night to fall... switched on the headlights, as if all was well... and then, when you least expected it, he turned them off. In the event of an attack, standard procedure was for all passengers to put their hands up and scream "TWILIGHT ASSASSIN!" until I yanked the manual headlight knob to banish the night once again. Good times!

I could have gone on dueling with the Twilight Assassin for many more months, but selling Grandma's Park Avenue was the smart thing to do, and I resolved to get it done while the car was still in excellent condition. And in the end, I didn't have to deal with AutoTrader or Craigslist at all, because I found the absolute best way to sell a car:

1. Buy a new BBQ
2. Invite a friend over for BBQ. Also, make sure he is an experienced used car lot sales manager.

It was one of this year's three nice Seattle summer days when our friend Ron came over to the house to eat meat cooked over fire. Ron saw the Buick and we got to talking about my plans for it. "Let me see what I can do for you," Ron said. "You'll have a hell of a time selling a car like that yourself, because only Grandma wants that car and she isn't online. So, what are the adds?" he asks.

"Adds?"

"Add-ons. Options," he explains. I tell him the car is actually pretty light on adds, but describe the fun and excitement of the Twilight Assassin. Ron checked out the car and quickly got in touch with a few other used car dealers.

"First, we'll call Bob," said Ron. "Let's see what the light money is... Yeah, hi Bob, this is Ron from so-and-so of Seattle. Hey, I'm standing in front of this 2005 Park Av... White with beige guts, in the wrapper... The owners are friends of mine, an active young couple. Grandma left it to them, but they just don't need a car like this and I wanted to help them out with an easy deal, and get them all the money in the world for this thing...Clear title, yeah. OK, I'll text you the VIN."

Bob's offer was indeed the light money, but after five minutes and a few similar phone calls Ron has me another offer for $10,500, and a backup offer of $10,000. All I have to do is wash Grandma's Park Avenue and drive it to a dealership where Keith, the used car manager will be waiting for it. I�m happy with the price, but also curious about the business. "How much will Keith resell the car for?" I asked Ron.

"He'll probably sell it for $14,000-16,000," Ron answered. "If he has the right buyer, someone who really wants the car, it's win-win-win!"

A few days later, I drove Grandma's Park Avenue to the dealer to meet Keith. By chance, I parked next to a salesman with an older couple who were eyeballing some other bland sedan. Before I even stepped out of Grandma�s Park Avenue, the 60-something gentleman shopper in a Hawaiian shirt excitedly said, "is that car for sale?"

"Yes," I said as I exited, "but I'm actually here to sell it to the dealer."

"Wow, honey, look," says Hawaiian Shirt, motioning to his wife. "It's not even an Ultra, so it'll run on regular gas!"

A moment later, my contact Keith was standing by my side. We introduced ourselves, and Keith gestured towards Hawaiian Shirt and said, "Can they take a look at it?"

"Sure," I said, and gave the other salesman the key as I went inside with Keith to do paperwork. Fifteen minutes later, my business with the dealer was done. I had a big check and no more Buick. While I was waiting for my ride, I watched Grandma's Park Avenue pull in from a test drive. Hawaiian Shirt, his wife, and their salesman spent a long time walking around the car and talking. I took that as a good sign. I hope the dealership got $14,000-$16,000, and I hope Hawaiian Shirt and his wife got a car they love. Despite all my jokes about boats and occasional attacks from the Twilight Assassin, Grandma's Park Avenue was a pretty good car.

That afternoon I called my grandma to tell her that I had sold her Park Avenue,and to thank her again for giving it to me when she stopped driving. I made sure to tell her that I thought the new owners were really going to love it. Grandma was happy to hear that. But I�ve never told her that I gave a couple of Germans a ride in her Park Avenue... After all, she might still be upset about the war.

NOTE: The names in this story have been changed. No Germans were harmed during production.

Good World War 2 Photos

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 02:33:09 -0700

There are some amazing shots here.

3rd Party Fix coming for GoPro HD Hero underwater blurriness

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 01:45:07 -0700

Eye of Mine is supposedly soon releasing a fix for the blurry video resulting from using the HD Hero under water. There is a video showing the product in action, though exactly what the product IS is unknown so far. Comments from the vendor on the video page suggest it will only be rated to 100 ft. Better than nothing, but disappointing for scuba divers for sure.

GoPro HD Hero Underwater Performance Unfortunately Poor

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 07:53:51 -0800

Lately a lot of small and relatively inexpensive hi-def digital video cameras have hit the market. One of them is the GoPro HD Hero, which has some really interesting specs. Check out the videos on the home page, too.

720p and 1080p video
Very wide field of view
720p 60 fps mode
Includes a waterproof housing in the ~$300 price

The HD Hero's combination of a very wide field of view and a housing that will take recreational scuba diving makes it a really interesting little toy for divers looking to do video on the cheap. Unfortunately, the camera's underwater performance is seriously hobbled by the design of the lens.

A ScubaBoard member recently posted this video of the HD Hero on a scuba dive in California. As you can see, underwater things look rather fuzzy, but as soon as the camera breaks the surface, it's nice and sharp. Upon asking GoPro's tech support why this might be the case, this was the reply.

Due to the curved lens of the waterproof housing for the HD HERO camera and standard def Wide HEROcameras, you do get a slight loss of sharpness/focus to underwaterimages. In video mode with the standard def camera this hasn't beenvery noticeable due to the lower resolution. With the HD HEROcamera this becomes more evident at the higher resolution. Ourdevelopers are looking into whether we can possibly offer a differenthousing or housing lens in the future to correct this issue.

This is really disappointing, because if the video was sharp, the HD Hero would be the cheapest way to get decent video under water. Add the optional LCD, so you can see what you are aiming at, and the HD Hero costs about $350. One of its main competitors for this use is the Flip HD, which is about $200 for the camera, $260 for the Ikelite housing, and you'd probably need to spend another $250 on the wide-angle lens.

Here's hoping GoPro comes out with a modified housing or lens for underwater use... Even a flat port that slashed the FOV would be better than the current state of affairs. Advertising the depth rating of the case is also kind of misleading, since if you are looking for HD video, you wouldn't be happy with what you got under water.

Scribblenauts will bring out the worst in you

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 03:11:34 -0700

Scribblenauts is a Nintendo DS puzzle game. In a typical level,your goal is simply to grab a star located somewhere out of reach. Yourtools? Anything you want, ostensibly. You can write a word, like "gun"and the item will appear on the screen for you to use. The game itselfhas some flaws (here is a review)but the ability to summon items and creatures is astonishingly welldone and probably worth the purchase price all by itself. It seems likethey thought of everything...

I wrote chupacabra and a little green guy with red eyes appeared. He left a dog alone, but he instantly attacked a goat I summoned. (This alone makes it game of the year.)
God will kill a zombie, but a vampire will turn God into a vampire. I summoned a phaser to shoot the vampire but hit god-vampire instead; he was killed. The remaining vampire ran from my cross.
As the review mentions, you can summon a time machine and ride it, which takes you to a realm of knights and damsels.
In that medieval world, I accidentally destroyed a drawbridge with my sword. The princess on the drawbridge happened to fall in the water, so I summoned a shark to eat her. I tried summoning a school of piranhas to eat the shark, but as you can only do one at a time the shark kept eating them.
The game knows roflcopter. It looks different than the helicopter.
Try writing I win button.
An evil clown looks like a clown but thinks evil thoughts.
Pirates kill ninjas.
A succubus attacked me, but a cherub nailed her with arrows... after which she liked me. (I could use the cherub's bow to make other creatures turn good.)

There are definitely more surprises to find inside Scribblenauts.

Interesting reading on the Air France 447 tragedy

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 10:39:37 -0700

This is a list of interesting material I have found while reading about the AF447 investigation.

Detailed meteorological analysis of the area
Big forum thread at airliners.net. Interesting reading--some pilots are participating.
Similar thread at jetphotos.net.
Lightning strike protection for composite aircraft
BBC article indicating debris has been spotted. Page has links to many other AF447 articles.
More recent article about the debris, with many interesting tidbits.
AirDisaster.com also has news on their front page.
SailWX.info lets you track the positions of vessels at sea. This link shows the area of the crash; currently the Dutch vessel Jo Cedar is on site, looking for debris.

The Truth About Cars

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 06:39:44 -0800

TTAC is a web site with news and reviews. It's an enjoyable read. Their Worst of 2008 article was entertaining. If you are a defender of Detroit, you probably won't like what you see here.

Extremely Clever: Hand drawn holograms

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 05:59:14 -0800

By making scratches in a piece of clear plastic, you can create crude holograms viewable in normal light. Learn how at the link.

California Burns Again

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 14:48:27 -0800

These pictures were taken on November 16 2008 in Diamond Bar, CA. The city's posh gated community, called "The Country," was evacuated due to fire danger. Not for the first time, planes had to make fire retardant drops around Ridge Line Road. See more below.

Currently there are fires in Brea and Yorba Linda, among many other places. iReport has more photos of the fires.

Update: Excellent photos at Boston.com.

11 die climbing K2

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:58:44 -0800

This is an interesting and morbid article about mountain climber deaths.